Now that I'm actually awake you're still the focus of my life. We broke up and we need space. But every single day I think about you more then anything else. I need to learn to love myself I need to work on things by myself. Yet I always have you in my mind. How can I work on things when you won't leave me alone?
Did you love me? If you truly loved me I must've failed you so horribly to cause all of this to happen... But I don't doubt that you love me. That's the scariest part, that despite being in love. I managed to screw up enough times in large enough ways that caused us to break up.
I've come to realize I am the teenage embodiment of my father. He treats my mother exactly how I treated you. I admire that man so much and my mother often talks highly of him and how sweet he is. However seeing how he talked to my Mom this evening I also understand how you would perceive me. You saw meaningless conversation, I saw meaningful conversation to try to get a feel for things, trying to actually make conversation. How in the world do I balance all of this? I don't even know what I'm saying anymore
Absolutely everything related back to you still. Even the smallest of things remind me of you. You're somehow everywhere, there's always a way for a situation to remind me of you.
I've come to realize my brain hasn't registered that we aren't dating. I still refer to you as my girlfriend.
Someone just told me you're still into me.... Why do we have to be apart? How is this healthy?
Yet I think maybe it's for the best. I think you're right, we need distance and space. But I can only pray the stars align and we can be together again. You noticing me in the first place was unpredictable, getting a second chance with you was astonishing. But now I think it would take divine intervention to allow us to be together again.
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